A letter to my Instagram Friend

I double clicked on the perfectly square picture on my Instagram newsfeed. A gentle path winding out into a lush forest of pines. I read the comments and saw my Instagram friend had posted information about her blog, which covered the topics of anxiety. In an effort to connect, I posted a link to my own story about anxiety which is featured on yogajournal.com. 

Her response made my heart beat. 

She described her feelings after she had read my story and asked if we could make contact via email so that we could talk about breathwork...the key to my recovery from my own debilitating anxiety. 

I agreed. And in her email to me she invited me to share how I had done it. How I had rid myself from the grip of fear. This is what I wrote:

Hello!

I am so happy you read my story and that you felt comfortable in contacting me. I read in your email that anxiety has been impacting your life in a way that is disruptive and disappointing and that you only received minimal relief from participating in yoga. I hear you and hope that what I am about to share will give you some ideas on things you can start doing to decrease the impact of that anxiety and fear.

If you are seeing a doctor or therapist, please check with him/her to make sure these items will work well for you. If you aren't seeing a doctor for your anxiety, please consider doing so just in case your situation isn't completely clear to me. I don't want to steer you wrong....

I am going to tell you exactly what I did that helped me get better. What I suggest you do is try a few of the activities, read some of the material that influenced my mind-space and see how it feels. When you try an activity, don't create too many expectations about how it 'should' feel. Just let it be what it is. No judgements. No self criticisms. When you read something, only absorb the information that rings true to you. For example, I read a Buddhism book. There were countless ideas in that book that changed my ideas forever. But the part about reincarnation and some of the things about Buddhas and gods wasn't for me at the time. I just took what made sense to me and left behind the rest. 

It all began with Dialectical Behavior Therapy, a groundbreaking zen-Buddhist-based therapy created by Marsha Linehan at the University of Washington. I used this therapy to learn how to manage my overwhelming emotions (sadness and fear). "The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook" by McKay, Wood, & Brantley is what I used to practice distress tolerance skills, mindfulness, and emotion regulation. 

After I truly dedicated myself to practicing DBT with the use of a journal for about 6 months, I chose to attend Buddhist meditation classes. I didn't care for singing, but the meditation and topics covered in the discussions helped me learn how to control my racing mind even further. This is where I purchased and read "Eight Steps to Happiness" by Geshe Kelsang Gyatso. In this book I learned how to stop being dissatisfied with my past, my present, and the unknowns of the future. It was another very meaningful read in my recovery. 

Now, I had been doing DVD yoga, very haphazardly, for many years. The meditation at the end was nice but I hadn't gotten a lot of lasting mental health results. Then I took an Anusara immersion in Belligham, WA at Eight Petals Yoga. Alexis Britton taught the course and it really turned the tides for me in a crucial way. She asked us to read The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. This ancient script is published in many different ways and analyzed by many different authors. I chose the edition written by Edwin Bryant. In this book, I learned what yoga really is...and it turned out to NOT be what I had found on the DVD or even in most yoga classes I'd wandered into. Yoga was all about stilling the mind! So I read it, I journaled, I shared with other yogis what they were learning and we practiced yoga in a whole new way. If you could make it to one of these immersions, I think you may find a whole new side of yoga that can help ease your busy mind. One of Alexis' immersions is happening on April 6th in la Conner at Crescent moon Yoga, if you are interested. She labels it as teacher training, but it's really just a deep-rooted learning of how beautiful and wonderful the practice of yoga can be. 

Sooo, with all the mind-training from the DBT, the Buddhist principals, and the Sutras, I began practicing yoga from a whole different plane. I did the whole postures thing and moved through all the poses but the new focus was on staying solid, practicing balance, facing my own insecurities on the mat...which equated to doing those things in my mind when I felt weak, unbalanced, and fearful out in the real world. 

I've saved the best for last.....the breathing. Oh the breathing! Thank the universe for the breathing. It turns out that when we get scared, feel fearful, or anticipate something bad, our sympathetic nervous systems acts different. We breathe faster and less deeply. When this happens, it triggers our parasympathetic systems (small parts of our blood flow system) to tighten. This creates an increase in blood pressure & heart rate and adrenaline. So, what I did was to learn how to regulate the breathing so that my blood vessels will stay relaxed, my heart rate will stay low, and my adrenals won't pump out adrenaline. The basic breathing that I try to do as much as possible throughout my day is abdominal breathing. Google it. The Anusara immersion will also teach you. Bee breath is another technique. I use it when I'm feeling poorly. It truly calms you. Also found in the Anusara Immersion with Alexis. And on Google. The third, that I use about three to four times per week is alternate nostril breathing. It immediately calms me and also reduces blood pressure and heart rate if practiced regularly for four months or more. I use it when I drive or when I'm stuck somewhere for too long. There are others.YogaJournal.com has many articles on breathwork. 

Also, I started running. I use it to expel the energy that sometimes builds up in me. Anxious energy. When I run, I feel tired after, and that forces me to let go of some of the things I am holding onto. 

A couple tidbits I do:
Child's pose...when I feel overwhelmed. I stay there for up to 10 minutes or more. 
Hip openers...they truly expel tension that builds up. Hold these types of poses for longer and longer periods to experience more of the 'release'. 
Inversions.....use these poses to feel a sense if calm. My fav is supported headstand (learned in that immersion). 
Anusara...this type of yoga is heart centered, emotionally balanced yoga. Find teachers at eight petals in b'ham and Crescent Moon in La Conner, WA
Music...I listen to Tibetan bells when I want to get still. 
Oils...I use lavender oil on my temples and pillow to create calm. 

I hope this helps. Please contact me and tell me how things go. Maybe you can blog about your experiences and send me the links when you do. 

Love & light to you,

---Rashel

Permanent Body Ornamentation

Permanent Body Ornamentation

I have wanted to decorate my skin with art for a long time. I did once, back in college, at the wee age of 21. I chose a drawing that I found scribbled in a used poetry book and placed it on the back of my ankle. I liked it then and even with it's 17 year old blurred appearance, I like it now. Today, though, the only skin art I've hung is that one little ink blot from that time long ago. That fact is due to two causes. One, is that my husband's career as a naval officer leads to events where I am adorned in formal dresses that show my shoulders, upper back, and arms. These locations, then, have been "out" as far as stamping goes. Second, the one that trumps the first....my husband doesn't like tattoos.

I chose not to get one mostly for the second cause. I couldn't reason with myself as to why I would want to permanently place a mark on my body that I knew my husband found distasteful. So, I didn't...for 16 years.

Recently, though, our son recently gained two tattoos, which has brought a lot of discussion about the controversy...even a little heated debate. Through all of the conversation, though, my husband began to soften on his outlook towards the decorative ritual and over the course of a year's worth of conversation on the topic, gave me the seal of approval to brand myself as I wished.

This brought upon me great reflection. What image would I even want on my body? I had not allowed myself to entertain the idea for so long that I didn't even have the answer to that question. The first thing I need to ask myself was, What is my purpose in permanently branding my skin with art? Besides the basic desire for ornamentation, which dates back to civilizations in ancient Africa and India thousands of years ago, I would like the art I choose to serve a purpose. I want it to bring my focus towards an abstract concept that is connected with something important to my own sense of values. What I decided upon was the concept of self-awareness and enlightenment. 

I have been actively pursuing my own awakening and emergence from ignorance for three years now. I  started reading buddhist literature, then began attending Buddhist fellowship gatherings, and even obtained a spiritual guide to help me on my path. Presently, I just read the Buddhist literature, but have recently began reading ancient yogic texts such as the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. I even began the certification process to become a yoga instructor. Regardless of the tool, Yoga or Buddhism, my path towards enlightened self-awareness is solidly stamped upon my lifestyle. It will remain with me for all of my days.

So, with the intention to find an image that brings my awareness to this important abstract concept, I move forward in the direction of obtaining a permanent piece of body ornamentation....

In comes the LOTUS....According to Buddhists.org, a " lotus flower fully bloomed and open represents full enlightenment and self-awareness".  This lotus below shows the type of bloom my lotus will have. It will be full and open.

Placement is a pretty important part of this decision, as well. I will  lace the lotus on the base of the neck, where the shoulders meet at the top of the back. The reason for that placement? Here, at the back of the throat, the throat chakra, is a place where the true essence of one's truth resides. Through this chakra, one is able to share and communicate truthfulness.

Lastly, what kind of color does this tattoo need? Well, I am not a colorful person. I love black, grey, navy blue, and dark earth tones. At first a grey was tattoo seemed appropriate, but I am rethinking that. I think I will go mostly grey washed with tips of red color on the petals. The reason for red: on a lotus flower it represents compassion and love. 

In conclusion, I have chosen four important abstract concepts to go into my body art...love, compassion, truth, and, ultimately, enlightenment. The object chosen: a lotus. The placement: the back of the neck. The color: grey wash with red.

Now it's time to call Bandana Mike's Skin Art...but not before I break the news to Husband. Wish me luck on the latter. It may be more painful than the tatto.

Beginnings

Beginning a Journey 

I recently began the journey of becoming an instructor of yoga. This not only lends towards the idea that I will someday lead a group of yogis in asanas, but also that I will be an instrument of the Buddhi Mind. 

The Buddhi Mind refers to spiritual intelligence or the will of the mind to know what it dharmic (divinely natural & moral). Yoga is more than just physical poses that result in a beautifully sculpted body. It is a way to connect with what is divinely natural with the mind as well. 

When I stepped into a small yoga studio in Bellingham, Washington, I felt the pressing intention of this mind upon my skin. Warmly painted walls hugged tightly an old wooden-planked floor and they were well-lit by three white-paned glass windows which looked out upon a ragged red-brick wall, a blacked roof, and pure-blue sky. It was a perfect mixture of reality and consciousness and I knew right away I was in the right place.

Among a group of warm-faced yogis, I spent eight hours practicing asanas, meditating on higher intentions, and discussing topics focused on the Universal Principals of Alignment (a topic best discussed at a later date).

I left sore but filled with a vibration of light that was unique and welcome. Again, a perfect balance of reality and consciousness.  

This week, as I prepare to meet with my Kula (yogi community), I have studied Patanjali's Yoga Sutras, the Bagavad Gita, and other ancient Vedic texts. I have practiced breathing techniques, asanas, and pronouncing sanskrit words more correctly. I am keeping a journal, videotaping myself in practice, and publishing my work on venues such as YouTube and Pinterest. 

During my training,  I intend to tell you what I know and show you what I am learning. This will become a space for me to gather my knowledge, reflect upon it, and ultimately create knowledge for my mind...a blooming buddhi mind.